I have been teaching for 5 years. 3.5 years in the city, and 1.5 in the suburbs. It's like I'm a glutton for punishment. I just keep coming back for more.
At my first job, about a month and a half in....there was chaos at dismissal. Kids were running back into my classroom shouting, "They're shooting at us!" Seriously?? I was a first year teacher. Thankfully, only 2 gunshots rang out, and the stray bullets hit no one. But our staff and students were injured with bats and other fighting paraphernalia. Really? What have I gotten into, I thought? I cried that day....but not at school. I stood strong among the chaos, keeping kids inside and drying their tears on my shoulders. It was that day I knew that teaching had very little to do with the classroom. I hit my car around 6pm (after the chaos subsided) and cried harder than I had in a very long time. The kids didn't need to see it. Was I cut out for this work??
About 6 months later, an agitated 9th grader wasn't really very happy with me because I told him he had to get off of his cell phone in school. Technology....the curse of all schools. Cell phones should be checked in at the beginning of the day like they are at an education testing site. These things do nothing but cause problems and drama ALL DAY LONG. Anyways, I digress, he was not going to give me his phone. I followed him into a classroom (I let him go way ahead of me) and used the class phone (by the door) to call for a Dean to assist me. This sent the kid into a tizzy. He literally picked me up and tossed me out of his way. I felt very small that day, and Lord knows I'm not a little lady. When I was finally steady on my feet (I wasn't airborne the whole time) I was about 15 or so feet from my starting point. Really? Was I cut out for this work?
The Asst. Principal (acting principal at that time) took me to the director's office and shut the door. I cried that day....behind that closed door. I also cried when I learned they took that kid away in handcuffs. I had no idea "pressing charges" was going to lead to that. He was so young, African American and already statistically predestined for the system. Would it really do him any good? Or would he just spiral downhill? I'm not sure what happened to that kid....but I wish I knew. I'd love to know he overcame the system because it "scared" him into shape. Highly unlikely, I know.
I remember mentoring my neighbor teacher...."Never, ever let a kid see you cry. You've, then, just given them all the ammo the need to do it again and again." This is definitely true. It's unfortunate that not everyone in education learns this most valuable lesson.
In urban ed, many kids already feel hopeless. Imagine what it says to them when their teachers can not even handle their behavior. Imagine what it says to them when every time things don't go as planned, or your way, you cry. Modeling is THE hardest part of teaching. You must model appropriate and good behavior and work ethic in order for kids to mimic it. It's amazing how many people missed this lesson in college. I know my professor's sang it loud and clear.
If you need to address a very sensitive issue with your students, be absolutely sure you can remain composed. There is NO WAY I want to give kids the kind of ammunition that my tears can provide them. We have a whole year together. There are kids in the room who are thinking up what to do next to bring on your next episode. Believe me.
City kids are grown...WAY before the suburbs kids. They think, act, do like adults, and have likely never had a teacher make it the whole way through the school year before you. Save your drama (all of it) for a time where kids are no where to be found. Do you feel it coming on? Step out, and compose yourself before you ever come back. They don't need to know it, hear it, see it, or even think it is happening. Everyone will be better off for it.
It's almost time for the peace treaty....you know... summer.
Hang in there!
Trench Teacher...out
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